The Points System: How To Make Women Happy.

So, I was doing some digital housekeeping when I found this old article from somewhere. With a little editing and polishing, I present to you:

THE POINTS SYSTEM: HOW TO MAKE WOMEN HAPPY.

Pay attention guys, I suspect this is pure gold.

Now, in the world of romance and much of what happens on the way there, only one single rule applies: make the woman happy. Sorry guys, they lied. It’s not a man’s world. And yes, Beyoncé was right. Girls do run the world.

So, this is how it works: you do something she likes, you get points. You do something she dislikes, you lose points. And no. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

So here we go:

SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-5)

You leave the toilet seat up (-7)
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet paper roll is empty, you resort to serviettes (-3)
When the serviettes run out you use the next bathroom (-3)

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
In the pouring rain (+8)
But return with beer (-7)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron or pestle (+10)
It’s her pet (-15)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS AT A PARTY:
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy from Uni (-7)
Named Tiffany (-13)
Tiffany is a dancer (-26)
Tiffany has implants (-42)
You still remember her bra size (-120)

HER BIRTHDAY:
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not Mr. Biggs (+1)
Okay, it is Mr. Biggs (-5)
And they’re doing a promo (-13)
It’s Mr. Biggs, they’re doing a promo, and you snuck in two six-packs of Heineken (-22)

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:
Go with a pal (-5)
The pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Ford Mustang (-12)
With a personalized license plate that reads GR8 N BED (-19)

A NIGHT OUT:
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It’s a Chinese movie called Snake In The Monkey Shadow (-3)
Which features people that swordfight on a bamboo leaf (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE:
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-800)

COMMUNICATION: WHEN SHE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT A PROBLEM:
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)

SPORTS:
You’re not a sports fan (-5)
You’re a sports fan (-5)
The sport is football (-7)
You ignore her to watch a match (-5)
You leave a match to be with her (+0)
Because there’s been a power failure (-5)
The match is a cup final (+0)

EXES:
You’re still friends with your ex (-15)
And she still calls you (-25)
At 8.00pm (-37)
To ask for help (-45)
And you agree to help (-52)
You say “We’ve been friends since childhood” (-74)

THE BIG QUESTION: SHE ASKS, “Do I look fat?”:
You hesitate in responding (-15)
You reply, “Where?” (-35)
Any other response (-20)


For more wise words and discoveries like this, please follow me on twitter @iamashiwel

17 Comments

  1. Kenile · April 30, 2013 Reply

    Bwahahahahahaha. This is sha on point. Haba Okang!

  2. zubairthedream · April 30, 2013 Reply

    Top Class Stuff. I Didn’t See It Coming. Real Nice.

  3. stephanie uche enebeli · April 30, 2013 Reply

    Lol… On point dear… Hmmmm

  4. simi · April 30, 2013 Reply

    Hahahaha…..funny. Almost true

  5. markkuro · April 30, 2013 Reply

    Made me laugh hard. Nice one.

  6. prettyrabella · April 30, 2013 Reply

    Hilarious! Okang is simply a genius

  7. Fola' Kolami · April 30, 2013 Reply

    This was hilarious stuff. Now I’m definitely staying single. I should get them license plates too

  8. eviejordan · April 30, 2013 Reply

    Very very funny. Even more so as it is scarily accurate! Not sure which one is my favourite but Tiffany and the movie night are genius. The exes section and the ‘am I fat’ response are also awesome. Thanks for a great read!

  9. sallie · April 30, 2013 Reply

    Lolz, nyc 1 dear. Cnt stop laughing and bringing back 2 memory where av been guilty

  10. Sedoo · April 30, 2013 Reply

    Really funny! I had fun reading this. Pls more

  11. Modupe · April 30, 2013 Reply

    Buahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
    Okang, I’m sure you’re pained!?! :P!

  12. kdj · April 30, 2013 Reply

    lol crazy stuff here

  13. Bayo · May 1, 2013 Reply

    This is genius! Laughed real hard at many points especially the (-800) for you saying she’s got a pot belly too! Chai! LOL. Good piece Okang

  14. blaznbeau · May 1, 2013 Reply

    As much as I agree with some, I dnt get why taking me to a movie he hates should have more points, why would I want him to do that, that’s plain selfish. I mean if he won’t enjoy the movie then neither would I, so I dnt agree with that 1. Also leaving a match *surprised face* and cup finals too *more surprised face* hey! Dats loving and all but we all know whr his mind wud be so why bother. Loll

  15. cikk0 · May 4, 2013 Reply

    Just reading this. Don’t know why I procrastinated for as long as I did. Loooooooool. You’re right: this IS gold!

  16. kefasadamu · June 27, 2013 Reply

    Then it”s impossible to please a woman- seeing you may lose 40,000. Points, and earn them slowly in 8-point advances. You WILL die indebted 😀

  17. nshina · November 29, 2013 Reply

    Spot on! @KefasAdamu..lwkmd@ you will die indebted.

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